Unfathomable.

This week, I was lucky enough to see Henry two more times. Once on Tuesday, where they did a growth scan (he’s estimated at over 8 lbs now! But those are notoriously wrong, so the doctor told me I could expect anywhere from a 7.5-8.5 lb baby). Then today, I had another ultrasound so they could perform another biophysical profile. He scored a perfect 8/8 again.

The kid is already funny. He was kicking the tech like crazy, so she put the 3D on his face. He had the cutest little pout and chubbiest little cheeks. We both laughed at his little face. I think he’s his father’s clone, but we’ll see. Those 3D ultrasounds look kinda funky.

As I’m writing this, he’s moving around in there, just days from gracing us with his little presence. I’m feeling really blessed and simultaneous sorrow and grief for the families in Connecticut who received the worst news of their lives today. My heart just breaks for them. It’s completely unimaginable. Unfathomable. But there are people living it. Mamas who just a few years ago felt those same kicks and movements…now suffering greater than most of us ever will. I can’t even put my thoughts into words properly, so I’ll stop now.

God bless those people, their family, and the community.

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My life lately…

…has consisted of me doing the following things:

  1. Lots of doctor’s appointments. All is status quo. Baby is 5 lbs 12 oz now with 4 weeks to go. I’ve been monitoring my blood sugar and all is normal. The doctor is just being over cautious, which is…whatever. I am an exemplary patient. I do what they tell me to do.
  2. I have an almost 6 pound baby directly on my bladder. We saw his face again on Tuesday. He’s pretty damn cute if I do say so myself.
  3. Chris and I took a childbirth class. That was actually pretty interesting and I probably could have blogged about it. But. I didn’t. Sorry. Anyway, I learned a lot and so did Chris. He took a ton of notes and was really engaged. That made my heart pretty happy.
  4. After the birth class, we did something social for a change and had dinner with some friends. They were so kind to grill us some steak and we spent hours just talking and laughing. That was nice since once Henry comes I’m sure our social life will be even more non-existent.
  5. I finally had to fill out our birth plan. As of now, here’s where I stand: I am gonna go for all natural (like I’ve always wanted) but I’m signing the waiver form for an epidural in case I want one. And if things don’t work out how I want them to, then I’m not going to beat myself up over it (as long as baby is ok). The only thing I am adamantly against are analgesic pain killers.
  6. I’m training my replacement at work, which makes the whole “I’m going to be a stay at home mom!!!” more and more real. My life is about to be unrecognizable, and I’m both excited and anxious.
  7. I’ve gained a total of 20 pounds and I’m happy about that. My doctor thinks most of it is water weight since my legs and feet ARE HUGE. At my appointment yesterday, the doctor pulled up my pant leg to check out the swelling and audibly gasped. I wasn’t even offended. I was all, “Yeah, I know. It’s crazy, huh??” Let’s put it this way: I was wearing socks with monkeys on them (I’m 13 apparently) and the outlines of the monkeys were embedded onto my feet. And the top of the socks left a good 1″ dent in my ankles. Cankle town is no joke anymore. It’s  REALLLL.

I promise to be better about blogging soon. I’m just so exhausted lately. Last night, I laid down at around 8 pm and passed out cold. The other night, I fell asleep mid-sentence while talking to Chris and holding my iPad. I woke myself up a little while later by snorting really loudly and had drooled all over myself. Sexy.

Growing a kid takes a lot of a girl.

It’s a…

BOY!

The ultrasound tech was doing her anatomy checks, looking at the brain, heart, limbs, whatever else she checks out, and Chris and I were looking at the screen, but also chatting a little. Then the tech blurted out, “Oh yeah, that’s a boy.” We both gasped and then said, “REALLY?” in unison. Then I started to cry, I was so happy. I have a little boy. A baby boy! A son! It really was an amazing feeling. One I will never, ever forget.

Even though I just knew it was a girl, and really wanted a little girl, I can’t imagine being any happier now. To top it off, the doctor came in and told me everything looks perfect, and that’s all that really matters. I just feel really lucky and blessed right now.

They also decided to give me another OB checkup for no reason. That kind of annoyed me. I was scared to be weighed, honestly.  This week alone I’ve had a double cheeseburger with fries one night, pizza one night, another giant bacon cheeseburger another night…but get this, I’ve lost 3 pounds since last month. I honestly have NO IDEA how this is happening. The doctor actually asked me why I was losing and I told him the only thing I can think of is all the running around I do at work and I get full so fast when I eat. And I’m not craving sweets. Sugar goes right to my ass and I blame the Kitchen Aid we received as a wedding gift and my subsequent baking obsession for the 30 pound weight gain after we got married.

In (sorta) other news, pregnancy brain is only getting worse. I recently did this with the prenatals so I wouldn’t forget if I’d taken it or not:

 

Hey, it works.

 

A week 8 & 9 retrospective (and other stuff)

I almost didn’t blog tonight because I am so full of anxiety. I thought if I sat down to type, all that would come out would be, “ARGHHHHHHHHHHFDSFDSDFSGFKOLGOROMG!!!!!!”

I’ve never felt this way before, so of course I am going to blame pregnancy. It just fills like anxiety is bubbling over and I could snap at any second. It’s not just one thing making me feel this way either. It feels like everything and nothing at once, if that makes sense. Work, pregnancy, life…but at the same time, these things don’t bother me that much when I think about it. I actually have it pretty good and I know this logically. Doesn’t matter. Sigh. I think now is the perfect time to start going to pre-natal yoga classes.

Writing helps me, so here I am. Let’s do another retrospective.

Week 8.

So happy to hit that 2 month mark, but not much different from week 7. Still really worried about my first OB appt, which is still a few weeks away.

Week 9.

I was worried that I haven’t had enough morning sickness. Guess what? At 9 weeks 2 days, I spent the entire day on the bathroom floor. I thought projectile vomiting was a myth before that day. I’ve never felt so bad in my life. I couldn’t keep anything, including water, down.

I called my doctor the next day, my whole body sore from vomiting so violently. She was worried about me not even being able to drink fluids, and prescribed me anti-vomiting medication. I took one pill – and miracle! Almost instant relief. I chugged a gallon of water immediately. Still took me a couple days to feel ok with food again though and I’m still extremely nauseous all the time.

Thankfully, she also moved up my first OB appointment and got an ultrasound. We saw our little tadpole and saw the heart beat (it was still too early to hear it), but visual proof was all I needed. It was a strong 162 bpm, which according to old wivestales, it will be a girl. The chinese gender chart also says we are having a girl. To me, this almost certainly means we’re having a boy. Regardless, to know our baby is in there and it’s tiny little heart is beating, is all I need. I’m in love already.

Oh, also lost 5 pounds this week thanks to the aforementioned barfing. And we finally got to tell Chris’s parents, who were really happy. I think. No, I’m sure of it. They are just not the jump up and down and scream I’m so excited kinda people.

This was the last week that I actually wrote stuff down. Maybe because I started feeling so crappy. So I’m going to have to start going by (fuzzy) memory.

Oh, just BTW, I have intentionally left out some of the more personal symptoms involving body parts. I think you know what I mean. I’ll just say, some things are growing a lot and those things are extremely sore.

Tomorrow is the day. Boy or girl? Stay tuned.

Edit: I just realized I had the wrong title up for a couple hours. Again, I will blame pregnancy.

A week 7 retrospective (and other stuff)

Today was a much better day than yesterday. Thanks to all my friends for cheering me up. Ya’ll are the best.

I got a call today from my doctor with the final screening results for chromosomal abnormalities (this one included neural tube defects and spina bifida). We are the lowest possible risk for all of that stuff, which was good news. That tidbit helped me put things into better perspective and realize what’s truly important here.

On to week 7, or “when shit got real”:

The morning sickness has kicked into full force. I was getting worried about not being nauseous enough. But first day in week 7 and I’m nauseous constantly. CONSTANTLY.

I’ve lost ALL of the water weight I put on. All 9 pounds. NINE POUNDS. Maybe it has something to do with peeing every hour on the hour in the night? Yeah, probably.

The dizziness has subsided for the most part, which is great. I can take a shower now without feeling like falling over. I might barf in the shower, but I won’t be swaying while doing it.

We tried to call Chris’s parents yesterday to tell them the big news, but they were at Disneyland. Yes, Disneyland. Alone. Just the two of them. And having a freaking blast. So hopefully they will call soon and then I can tell other family members (but probably not for a while — I’m still paranoid about telling people).

Oh, Google is the devil. DEVIL. When you are pregnant, do not Google anything. Especially miscarriage or other complications that can occur in pregnancy. To be clear, I have had ZERO complications — no spotting, no cramping. Just some little twinges here and there of the uterus stretching. Yet, because I had the miscarriage last time, I am a nervous wreck. The hormones making me extrememly emotional don’t help either. I Google and cry, Google and cry. It’s a sad, sad cycle. So if you found this blog by googling “miscarriage” or something, GET OFF THE INTERNET! We’re in this together. It’s going to be fine.

Five more weeks until my first OB appointment! I literally have a countdown for it on my iPhone. I am so excited/nervous.

Chris has been beyond wonderful taking care of me. He’s amazing. I don’t know how I got so lucky. He puts up with my hormonal crying like a champ. He deserves a medal or a plaque of some sort.

The nausea didn’t go away. The projectile vomiting is yet to come. I did not gain any more water weight (or weight, still. The double green chile cheeseburger I had for dinner tonight might change that, though. No shame. It was delicious).

Just a couple more days until we do the grand tour of the maternity ward where I’ll be pushing. AAANNNNDDDD….only 5 more days until we get the level 2 ultrasound and find out if it’s a boy bean or girl bean. I still think girl. I just hope this little hopper cooperates. Speaking of which, I feel this baby move all day long. When I’m running around like crazy at work, or getting stressed, and I feel it moving…it just makes everything ok.

Our favorite schnauzer who has no idea she won’t be our number one child once the baby gets here. She’ll still be spoiled, she just won’t be the complete center of attention.

Rude awakening.

A week 6 retrospective (and other stuff)

Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I started journaling my symptoms and experience. I thought I’d start sharing what I went through week by week for those women who want to know what they might expect if /when they become pregnant, any pregnant women who want to compare, or just anyone with nothing better to do, I guess.

I’ll start with this: don’t pee on a stick until the day of your missed period. I took the early response tests 4 days before (negative) and 2 days before (negative). On the day my period was due, I grabbed the only test I had left, which was a digital. It took FOREVER to pop up a result. And it was good news.

clear blue digital positive

After I woke Chris up to tell him the news, I snapped this picture. It’s one of my most favorite pictures of all time. We’d been trying to get pregnant for a while, and after all the emotions from the miscarriage, I can’t even explain how happy seeing that word made me.

On to the symptoms:

Week 6:

Holy hell, I am lightheaded. Just kinda all the time. When I get it in the shower, it’s like stepping into Space Mountain without the fun.

My boobs have already grown a cup size I am sure of it. The last thing I needed was more boob. They also KILL me. I can’t sleep on my tummy anymore, so now I am sleeping in these awkward side or back positions that make my body hurt.

Morning sickness isn’t too bad yet, but I’ve had moments. So far, I’ve woken up a few times in the middle of the night feeling barfy.

I am always thirsty, and I drink 60 gallons of water a day. Or very close to it. Weird taste in my mouth all the time.

Pregnancy brain already setting in. Could be the fatigue. Oh, did I mention I am always exhausted?

I told you exhaustion was the new theme of my life. And pregnancy brain is oh-so-real. A couple weeks ago, a friend and I went to see a movie. I asked her what she wanted to drink from the concession stand. She gave me a very clear answer in English that I must have understood well enough to say OK and get up. By the time I made it in line, I barely remembered even asking her the question and had ZERO recollection of her response. I guessed Diet Coke and thankfully I was right. I was so close to getting Sprite. I have a dozen other examples, but I can’t really remember them. Kinda scary.

In other news, the big anatomy ultrasound (where they can maybe tell you the gender if baby cooperates) was moved up from July 26 to July 23. I am so excited and anxious just to make sure little bean is healthy. Finding out the gender is an added perk. I’ve been feeling like it’s a girl, and Chris thinks it’s a boy.

One of us is right.

Five little fingers.

Ok, so the new design isn’t ready yet, but my wonderful husband promises this weekend. In the meantime, I’ve been dying to blog. So much going on!

I am now almost 4 months pregnant and squarely in my second trimester. Oh how I love the second trimester. I am finally feeling human again. The first trimester was all nausea and vomiting and worrying and crying. The past couple weeks, I still get nauseous a little but only after I eat, and my biggest symptoms are exhaustion and mood swings. I still cry a lot.

I’ve had 2 ultrasounds already. One at 11 weeks and one just last week. I will get one every month for the duration. Next up is the gender scan. Very excited for that one.

So why so many ultrasounds? Well, the first was for the first trimester screening for trisomy and down syndrome. Everything came out great, and we are at the lowest risk possible for both. Phew. But my thyroid levels, while in the normal range non-pregnant, we’re just a tad higher than this other doctor liked. My OB wasn’t so worried. Anyway, this new perinatologist has assured me everything is perfect (and with meds my thyroid level is now perfect too) but he likes to keep an eye on it every month. Some people might freak out about this, but I love it. I get to see the little Bean every month of its development.

I was worried my weight would be a factor and got a good lecture about weight gain from my OB. I was limited to 20 pounds for the whole 9 months. Both doctors are thrilled with me because I’ve gained 0.0 pounds so far. The nausea in the first trimester helped. Now, I get full so fast and nauseous as I eat so my portions are much smaller than they used to be. Let’s hope it stays that way. I really don’t want to gain anything but baby. But I’ve learned not to plan things too much because life and this baby do not care about my plans.

I’m really just going to enjoy this pregnancy and this time pre-baby. Everything is going to change drastically in a few short months, so I’m not rushing this pregnancy. The only thing I’ve really decided on so far is a girl’s name. The rest will come in time.

I don’t really want to post ultrasound pics, but I will post this corner of one. I loved the little hand with five perfect little fingers.

Oh! This little booger is moving like crazy in there. The techs and doctors in the room all get a kick out of it. My OB lovingly nicknamed it Stinker. And yes, I do feel it in there. Feels like little jumping beans.

Enough for now. A lot more to come.