Last Friday, I woke up exhausted. It was because I had been crying almost all day Thursday. A distant relative passed away last week and that had me all introspective and crap. I look at Henry and Chris and I get all emotional because I know how lucky I am. My life is exactly how I want it to be and I never want it to end. That’s what made me so sad and emo. But, I took some long naps this weekend and have vowed not to cry over that crap again.
I wrote briefly last week about letting some things go that hurt my feelings. It’s always much easier said than done, but it’s got to happen. For my sanity. I hold things in and hold things in and then days like Thursday happen. In any relationship, there has got to be a give and take. I refuse to have demands put upon me without any semblance of reciprocation any more. People want so much from me, but aren’t willing to give. This ends in me feeling used and confused. (Rhymes!) Where do I go from there? Continue to be that person and be miserable for the sake of a one-sided relationship or let go and be happy? I’ll choose the latter. I have to. As hard as it might be.
I saw this quote the other day and it’s like a light bulb went off:
“The mental and physical space we create by letting go of things that belong in our past gives us…the option to fill the space with something new.” – Susan Fay West
My energies are better used on my son, my marriage, my family, and those friends that are there for me. And I’m lucky that I have a few of those. This new found positive energy will also be put toward a re-design my blog (I finally got Adobe DesignSuite last night!), looking for freelance writing jobs, and having a FUN summer with Henry and Chris. I’m really looking forward to it.
I promise I won’t post a bunch of emotional, sad sap blogs. This is it. Forever. Ok, for a long time. I’m done.
And to exit on a happy note, here is Henry with his Grandma today. Have I mentioned that this kid LOOOOOVES his grandma? He does.