Blurry love.

In case you didn’t get the memo from corporate America, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. We don’t have a lot of cash right now, so I’m just doing something handmade and personal for my husband. Other than that, it will be a pretty average Friday around here.

I took a picture the other night of Henry running back and forth on the couch (and giving his poor mother a heart attack). He’s blurry in it, but our wedding photo on the wall behind him is kinda almost in focus. At first, I thought it was a bad picture, but I kept going back to it. I sort of loved it. Then I realized that I loved it so much because all of my favorite life moments, and people, are in that picture. That’s our family! My family! We made this little person! This climbing, running, crazy little person! Even though we all learned about human reproduction in the 6th grade, it’s still a little amazing to me that we produced life and that I’m someone’s mom now.

So I post it here, for Valentine’s Day, the technically bad photograph that represents our love. I hope you all celebrate the love in your life tomorrow. Happy V-Day!

love

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Quickie

Some noteworthy happenings:

  • Got my hair cut and colored for the first time since I found out I was bearing a child. I feel like a new person and now I won’t have to spend the 8 seconds of spare time I have in front of the mirror obsessing over all of the gray hairs before throwing it up into a messy bun type thing and leaving it that way for a couple days before I decide to wash it and start all over again.
  • Henry is already holding his head up pretty great. His fave position is sitting up on our laps, with no support on his neck. If you try to support his neck, he gets very annoyed. And tummy time should be called “scoot across the floor time.” This kid wants to move.
  • We no longer have a newborn. We have a baby now. A babbling, giggling, alert, smiley, funny baby. I had to put some of his newborn clothes up this morning and he’s filling out his 0-3’s nicely. I love watching him grow, but it also tugs at my heart.
  • I’ve been doing more and walking. It’s been nice weather and I have the cutest little walking buddy. It knocks him out, though. Even after we get home, he continues to sleep for hours. Not that I’m complaining. An overtired Henry is no bueno. A growing boy needs his rest.
  • Chris continues to be amazing. Even when I’m stressed over stupid stuff, he’s calm and patient and talks me down. I’m lucky that I married a guy who tries to empathize with a new mom and all the stresses that come along with that. He also knows how hard it is to have a 24/7 baby-raising job and is a really good support. I have to brag on him because he deserves it. He puts up with a lot from my hormonal ass.

henrygoesforawalk

 

What he’s wearing:

Hat: knit by someone and given to Henry by a nurse at the hospital. First placed on his head when he was minutes old.

Sweater: Baby Gap (on sale)

Overalls: Old Navy (on sale)

Socks: Trumpette Skater Boy (not on sale)

Pacifier: Nuk

 

Dear Henry

Dear Henry,

I always knew I wanted to write you a letter on your birthday. But now I’m having a hard time figuring out the right words to say. How can one adequately express their joy on the happiest day of their life?

I guess I’ll start by saying that you were (and are) extremely wanted. I prayed and prayed for you to come into our lives for many months. I cried a lot thinking I might never have you. It’s all my heart wanted. One morning, I got up early, feeling really excited for some reason. A few minutes later, I found out you were on your way to us. I’ve never been happier in my life.

Now you’re here and I’m a mess of emotions: happy, excited, scared, elated, overwhelmed. But most of all? I’m in love. Complete and utter pure love. They said this would happen. Everyone in the world said this would happen. They all said I would never know love until I held my child for the first time. Boy, they were right.

I will post a complete birth story later, but let’s just say your arrival into the world was a loooong and arduous one. I was in labor for 48 hours before the doctor told me my uterus was just not contracting how it should be, which meant it wasn’t pushing you out. Also two days of pitocin was really taking it’s toll on my body. So, out you came!

Right before the c-section began, as I was strapped down to an operation table, your dad was comforting me. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying. He told me that he’d waited his whole life for this day. Those words really helped me focus because guess what? So had I. We both cried harder than you were the moment we heard you.

And then I got to hold you. My life changed forever at that moment.

henryMy beautiful boy.

Henry, some things you have to look forward to:

  • Your dad and I love to laugh and have fun. Life is too short to be so serious. I want to teach you to laugh, play, sing, dance, and not sweat the small stuff. You’ll spill some milk. Big deal. You’ll probably pee your pants a few times. Who hasn’t? If you’re as artistic as your dad, I fully expect to find you creating some marker art on the walls. Don’t worry, sweetie. It all cleans up. No biggie. (Just keep the wall art to a minimum, ok? We’ll have lots of paper around for that).
  • Speaking of dancing and singing, we do a lot of that around here too. Your dad is even pretty good at it. Eventually, this will embarrass you. But while you’re still cool with it, we’re going to dance and sing with you every day of your life. Hope you don’t mind.
  • We’re fun parents, but we also want to teach you to be polite, respectful of other people, and kind. You might not like the inevitable time outs while you learn what behavior is and isn’t acceptable, but you’ll be better for it in the long run. Life is so much easier when you know how to treat other people. You’ll have lots of friends and social situations will be a breeze. You’ll like it when everyone likes you back, trust me.
  • Slow down and enjoy life. Always remember the words your namesake sang: Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

There’s a lot more to say, and I’ll keep writing you letters. For now, I’m just going to go back to holding you and staring at you.

Welcome to the world, Henry. We love you so much.

Mom & Dad

Beauty is intimidating.

Went to my weekly OB appointment this morning. First things first: if you’re pregnant and haven’t had your cervix checked for dilation, just know that it’s incredibly painful. Especially when your petite doctor has tiny little hands.

I am not dilated at all despite all of the Braxton Hicks contractions. Doctor says that’s normal and is no indication of when the baby will come. She’s seen women go from zero to 10 overnight. Some don’t ever dilate on their own. So we’ll see.

The perinatologist ended up putting me on medication. Sigh. This means induction (unless baby wants to do mommy a huge favor and come on his own). My OB told me that the perinatologist might choose to induce me NEXT week. If they don’t, she will induce me the following week. The perinatologist will be calling me tomorrow to discuss. At this point, if they are going to induce, they should let me pick the date. I’m going to push for a Wednesday so we could be home by the weekend. (I’m half joking, ok?)

Saying-just-kidding

My last day of work is Friday. This is bringing up all kinds of mixed emotions, mainly excitement and anxiety. I will have to write a separate blog on my anxiety. When it’s all said and done, however, I know that my life is just about to become even more beautiful than it already is. Infinitely more beautiful. I’m going to have my own little family. Whoa.

And I can’t wait.

 

My life lately…

…has consisted of me doing the following things:

  1. Lots of doctor’s appointments. All is status quo. Baby is 5 lbs 12 oz now with 4 weeks to go. I’ve been monitoring my blood sugar and all is normal. The doctor is just being over cautious, which is…whatever. I am an exemplary patient. I do what they tell me to do.
  2. I have an almost 6 pound baby directly on my bladder. We saw his face again on Tuesday. He’s pretty damn cute if I do say so myself.
  3. Chris and I took a childbirth class. That was actually pretty interesting and I probably could have blogged about it. But. I didn’t. Sorry. Anyway, I learned a lot and so did Chris. He took a ton of notes and was really engaged. That made my heart pretty happy.
  4. After the birth class, we did something social for a change and had dinner with some friends. They were so kind to grill us some steak and we spent hours just talking and laughing. That was nice since once Henry comes I’m sure our social life will be even more non-existent.
  5. I finally had to fill out our birth plan. As of now, here’s where I stand: I am gonna go for all natural (like I’ve always wanted) but I’m signing the waiver form for an epidural in case I want one. And if things don’t work out how I want them to, then I’m not going to beat myself up over it (as long as baby is ok). The only thing I am adamantly against are analgesic pain killers.
  6. I’m training my replacement at work, which makes the whole “I’m going to be a stay at home mom!!!” more and more real. My life is about to be unrecognizable, and I’m both excited and anxious.
  7. I’ve gained a total of 20 pounds and I’m happy about that. My doctor thinks most of it is water weight since my legs and feet ARE HUGE. At my appointment yesterday, the doctor pulled up my pant leg to check out the swelling and audibly gasped. I wasn’t even offended. I was all, “Yeah, I know. It’s crazy, huh??” Let’s put it this way: I was wearing socks with monkeys on them (I’m 13 apparently) and the outlines of the monkeys were embedded onto my feet. And the top of the socks left a good 1″ dent in my ankles. Cankle town is no joke anymore. It’s  REALLLL.

I promise to be better about blogging soon. I’m just so exhausted lately. Last night, I laid down at around 8 pm and passed out cold. The other night, I fell asleep mid-sentence while talking to Chris and holding my iPad. I woke myself up a little while later by snorting really loudly and had drooled all over myself. Sexy.

Growing a kid takes a lot of a girl.

My best friend.

I just heard “You’re My Best Friend” by Queen and got all pregmotional. Chris put this song on a mix CD for me right after we moved in together. I always get choked up when Freddie sings “I’m happy at home.”

It was also our first dance song at our wedding. So I guess that makes it our song. It’s fitting. We really are best friends.

Kinda scary freeze frame there, though.

Showers and new beginnings.

In just a couple short months, my life is going to change drastically. Not only because we’ll have a new baby running the household, but because I will also be leaving my job. Forever. I will be what the Internet calls a SAHM. Stay at home mom.

I’ve been working since I was 16. At a few points in my life, I’ve had two or three jobs at once. It’s pretty scary to not work and to give up an income. But, thankfully, my husband just got a new job that comes with a sizable raise and great benefits. Funds will be tight, but we’ll be able to make it.

The truth is, we just aren’t willing to put a newborn in daycare. Period. Most of my paycheck would have gone to them anyway. Honestly, I can get another job (and do plan on finding freelance work once the baby is a few months old), but I can never get those special moments back.

Just a quick side note: my husband is awesome. Chris knew from the beginning that I wanted to be a SAHM, but just didn’t know if it would ever be possible. He worked his ass off to get a better job and to land a few lucrative freelance gigs that would allow us to be able to afford this. He literally made my dreams come true in this instance, and he did it gladly because he knows it’s the best for his family. It makes me cry to think about how much he loves me and this baby.

Now, just to clarify, I do not think that women who go back to work (by choice or not) are making the wrong decision. I’m a feminist in the truest form – it’s all about choice. I trust that whatever a decision a woman makes is what she feels is best for her family, and I respect that. Same goes with parents who choose to put babies in daycare. I assume they choose safe places for their babies, so that’s great. It’s just something we are choosing not to do. I know how women get sensitive about these issues, so I just had to clear that up. Don’t be sending me nasty emails, ok?

In other news, we had our baby shower and it was a BLAST. My face hurt from laughing so hard. We got all the stuff we needed except for a few odds and ends. But more importantly, I felt overwhelmed by my friends and family who showed up or sent well wishes. I’m a lucky, lucky gal. My mom, mother in law, and friend Natalie did the best job with food and decorations.

My mom framed our baby pics so people could imagine what Henry might look like? I am not sure why. But look how cute Chris is! His parents gave us that little white rocking chair for the baby. I plan on re-creating that photo.

Cute gift table (before guests had arrived). 

Check out this spread!

Delicious cake that turned our lips blue.

On top of baby gear, Chris’s parents also gave us a Scion TC. Ok, they didn’t give it…they just sold it for next to nothing. I mean, like pennies. It’s a couple years old, but like brand new. Have I mentioned how lucky we are? We really are.

The day after the shower, we got up before the sun to take our out of town guests to the Balloon Fiesta. First of all, when you are 7 months pregnant, getting up that early and waddling through giant crowds of people is tough. I took a bunch of photos of balloons, but my favorite picture is this one that Chris got of us as we watch the Dawn Patrol light up.

It was really cold outside and I was so happy and warm at this moment. It’s good to be in love.

Human pin cushion.

It’s been a while since I posted. Guess what I’ve been doing?

Mainly just working, sleeping (yes, finally sleeping a teensy bit better, thanks for the maternity pillow), cleaning, freaking out about pending in-law 5 day stay, and…that’s it.

Today, I had my normal monthly OB appointment. When I arrived, they told me I was going to get a flu shot and a Rhogam shot. I was expecting the Rhogam since I am Rh-negative, but not really psyched about getting a shot in my butt. Then the nurse asked if I wanted to just go 3 for 3 and get the Tdap shot as well. Sure, why the hell not? Bring it on, lady. It made me feel better to know that my husband will also be getting the flu and Tdap as well. Can’t risk pertussis around the infant, ya know.

My very sweet husband is nesting. He has been cleaning out closets and organizing the office/baby room. He sold a butt load of DVDs, video games, books, and CDs and got a bunch of money. What he do with that? Bought me the new JK Rowling book for starters, then bought the baby a bunch of books. It’s been really amazing watching Chris get so excited and happy for little Henry to make his grand entrance. The baby is going to be CRAZY about his dad and vice versa. I can’t wait to see that. One book we bought is called My Daddy & Me and I cry every time I look at it. It’s the hormones, of course. Yeah. Hormones.

The Monster at the End of this Book was my absolute favorite as a kid. I love Grover.

…when I am with you.

I’m a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

 

And the winner is…

…Chris. He wins an award for the Most Patient Man on the Planet Earth. This is how I know that one day he will win a Father of the Year award. I have to give him public props for how great he was this weekend in particular.

Friday night, I was feeling so bloated that even sitting on the couch was uncomfortable. Instead, I told Chris I was going to lay down in the bedroom. I had a little pity party of one for a few minutes because it was Friday night, and I was in bed at 7 pm. He surprised me by picking out a movie and cuddling with me. He wanted to spend Friday night with me, he said. It was a really sweet gesture since I know he’d probably prefer to play some PS3 and watch movies on our big living room TV instead of the tiny one in the bedroom.

He chose Willow because I’d never seen it. We had a great time watching 2/3 of it before we both passed out cold. It was the best Friday night I’d had in a long time.

The baby was the best actor in the movie. Such great reactions!

Saturday, we got up bright and early and went to the first showing of the The Campaign. I love anything Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis, so I thought it was great. Afterwards, we were starving. I was at the stage in hunger where I was going to get real stabby if I didn’t eat immediately. So of course, we drove around FOR AN HOUR before deciding on where to eat. Chris was very patient and sweet even though I was a giant, evil beetch. It all ended in a very delicious cheeseburger from the Elephant Bar, so all was right with the world shortly thereafter. No one got stabbed. (He should have received a medal).

Today, the nesting kicked in again big time. What’s really strange is Chris has also started nesting. He’s been cleaning out the office/future baby room diligently every evening — getting rid of old DVDs and comics. Today, as I was cleaning this apartment from top to bottom, he was organizing our kitchen cabinets and scrubbing the appliances. I giggled to myself at the sight of it because if you knew my husband, you’d know just how out of character this behavior is. But I’m not going to complain. He can keep doing this forever, please.

When the house was sparkling and we finally sat down, he told me, “We make a great team.”

Yeah. I totally agree with that.

The very inspiring blogger award.

Shannon from Shan’s Shenanigans nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Besides being completely flattered, I’m also a little surprised that I inspire someone. I feel like all I do lately is complain, but since Shannon is also a preggo, she totally gets where I’m coming from.

To say that I love her blog is an understatement. She’s beautiful, cool, and HILARIOUS.  Also, I’m really into blogs that are honest. I can sniff out fakers a mile away (which is why most famous bloggers make me want to barf), and Shan is really real. Start following her blog if you know what’s good for you. Also, FYI, she inspires me.

The rules of the award are as follows:

  1. Display the Nomination logo on your blog
  2. Link back to the person who nominated you
  3. State 7 things about yourself
  4. Nominate 15 others and link to them
  5. Notify those bloggers of the nominations & award requirement

Here are my 7 things. Please try to stay awake, or feel free to scroll right by them.

  1. I love to move around. Not, like, exercising, but moving to different states. Every few years I get that itch. We moved back to New Mexico two years ago from Los Angeles, and now I’m getting that urge again. I’m thinking Pacific Northwest.
  2. I’m a very successful procrastinator. I’m so good at it, that most people don’t know that I’m procrastinating.
  3. I do not like sports in general but I LOVE the Olympics. I count down to the next one as soon as one is over. It’s kinda pathetic.
  4. My left wrist is all weird looking because I flew off of a 4-wheeler when I was 17 and the doctor didn’t set my broken bone correctly. Stupid quack.
  5. The best time of my life was the summer I spent in the UK learning Shakespeare and travelling. My favorite part was doing a private Beatles tour of Liverpool with my very good friend Dana. I got to stand on the stage of the (new) Cavern Club, go to John Lennon’s house, and a little old lady in Ringo’s childhood home invited us inside. In.cred.ible.
  6. Erm…I’m a little obsessed with the Beatles.
  7. I was a radio DJ in high school for a rock station. Mainly weekends from 7 to midnight or the oh-so-fun overnight shift. They called me Kick Ass Katy. I did not call myself that…THEY called me that.

Just like Shan, I can’t nominate 15 blogs yet. I just don’t read that many. Like I said before, most of the more popular bloggers out there (will not name names) really annoy the crap out of me. Their blog isn’t so much about them as it is about advertising. Don’t get me wrong, I hope I can one day be that successful, but I hope I’d be able to inject some actual heart and soul into it at the same time.

Instead, I’m gonna do 4…in no particular order.

Just Jasmine: I’ve been following this blog since it was called the Brokins. So for a couple years now. It used to be Jasmine and my friend from college, Sadie. Sadie didn’t do too much of the blogging and eventually bowed out. I love Sadie to death. She is such an amazing, special person. So of course I’d also love her friend Jasmine. By the way, I’ve never spoken to Jasmine and she will have no idea who I am until she reads this. She also has no idea just how much she inspires me. Jasmine is a tell it like it is kinda woman, even when that means airing her own dirty laundry in the name of healing and forward movement. There are times I write blogs putting it all out there, only to leave it in draft status forever. I just don’t have that kind of courage yet. But I admire Jasmine for helping me get there.

Randomness Happens: This belongs to my friend Natalie, who inspires me every day. I first met her waaay back in the day when a mutual friend of ours invited us to an Outkast concert. She was with a not so nice guy (and eventually married, and divorced, him), so I never really hung out with her again. Until about 18 months ago. Now I feel like I’ve known her forever. I can talk to her about anything, and she confides a lot in me. Natalie’s had it rough on the man front in her life, but I have no doubt that love and happiness will be hers soon because she’s a fighter. Natalie’s a single mom to a beautiful little girl, and she deserves the world.

A Lateral Plunge: Shan also nominated Peaches, but I don’t care. She deserves two nominations. I think she found my blog right around the time I wrote about my miscarriage. Shortly thereafter, she suffered one as well. Right away, I noticed how she got through it by writing about it and being honest with her feelings. I really admired how she handled it, especially since I only told a handful of people due to my own shame at the time. Peaches told the Blogosphere, and did it with honesty and a touch of humor. Besides that though, following her well-written journey of trying to conceive and making her way as an expat in Canada is highly enjoyable.

Lisa170: Lisa is the only Australian that I know of who follows my blog. Lisa was recently trying to have a baby…and didn’t have to try very hard. I was so excited when I saw that positive pregnancy test line on her blog. I knew she was pregnant before she did because the line was so faint. I was all, “Giiiirrrrrllll, you’re knocked up!” (or something similar). But she waited a few more days in denial before finally getting a darker line. For someone I’ve never met before, I was so happy for her. Just like the other ladies I wrote about here, Lisa is wonderfully honest and funny. I loved her blog about why her license should be revoked. It really cheered me up on a day I needed it.

There are, of course,  more blogs that I frequent and enjoy. I’m just trying to give a little love to blogs that have shown me some love recently (with the exception of Jasmine, who doesn’t know I exist). I’m hormonal and crazy, so it feels nice for people to tell me they enjoy what I’m doing and that I don’t completely suck — and that’s what these people have done for me (along with many others).

And just to copy Shannon a little more, I will sign off with a cute picture of Quincy.