There were things I knew to expect when becoming a mom. I knew about the sacrifices and lack of sleep. I knew that it would be E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E. I knew my heart would burst with love (although you really can never prepare for the hormones and just how raw you feel all the time). But there were some things I totally didn’t see coming:
1) That you can totally still hear the TV when the volume is almost off. Anything more than a whisper at this point is just loud to me now.
2) You can sing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” 5,654 times in a row and halfway through the 5,655th time, you completely forget the words. Not that it matters. “Itsy Bitsy Spider” could be “Happy Little Hotdog.” All the same to
3) Going to the bathroom alone is a luxury.
4) How much babies change over night. One day, they’re completely immobile. The next, you leave him on the couch for a second while you make a bottle and he almost rolls off.
5) How things that are usually disgusting are now cute or celebrated. Like, “good job, you pooped! Yay!” Or “awww, he just cleared the room with that gas. Hahah, funny baby!” You can’t get away with any of that as an adult.
6) I never thought about germs more than I do now. I was a clean person before, but now it’s in overdrive. Clorox wipes are my friend.
7) Zippers > snaps when it comes to jammies. Snaps are just stupid. Why do they need to go down both legs? Just give me snaps on one side! Or better yet, no more snaps!
8) I never expected other moms to be so judgmental. Women are really mean to other women. As long as your kid is being taken care of and loved, then whatever. Do what works for you and leave me the hell alone. K? Thanks. (If I see you feeding your newborn Cheetos, I might say something though.)
9) I never knew how many meals I would eat one-handed. A lot is the answer.
10) Accepting help when offered, and asking for it when needed, is not only ok but absolutely necessary to stay sane. I’m one of those martyrs that likes to do it all myself but complain that I did it all myself. I don’t do that anymore. I’m lucky that I have my husband who lets me sleep in on the weekends and parents who watch Henry whenever is requested. I’ll never say no to help again.
I also never expected to give birth to such a cute, funny little creature who makes me laugh all day. Look at this face!