Decisions, decisions.

This time, the lack of updates is because I’ve actually been super busy and not because of Dexter (man, that last season was a suck fest).

We moved in with my mom last week. It was a bumpy transition, I’m not gonna lie. I miss my old place something fierce, even though I was dying for something bigger and without upstairs neighbors. It was OUR apartment. We got married right after we moved in. Henry was born there. I was lucky enough to spend the first 14 months of his life with him there and witness all those major milestones. The apartment was cozy and comfortable and I can’t even look at pictures without crying. We are so lucky to have family to help, but I miss having my own space. I miss what used to be. I want to rewind to like 6 months ago and just push pause. Forever.

Because things are going to change even more for us soon, I think, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that quite yet. Today, Chris flew to San Francisco for a job interview. Ok, actually, he’s been talking to them for a while and this company found him, he didn’t apply there, so this is kind of a formality before they offer him a job I’m sure. For the first time ever, I see him excited about a possible job. But I’m…less than thrilled.

You see, we lived in Los Angeles for 4 years together (he was there for closer to 10 years) and when he got out of school, I told him I’d like to move closer to my mom. He was not sold on Albuquerque, understandably, because the design industry here is not exactly robust. After 6 months of temporary jobs around LA, he finally agreed. He found design work immediately and even had a job at an agency within a few months. But he always told me his growth potential here was limited and eventually we’d have to move. I knew he was right and I agreed. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.

I won’t even get into the depressing diatribe about missing my mom and friends if we move because then I’ll start crying and I just got over a cold and snot is no longer welcome in my vicinity. I will say that Katy 10 years ago would have been thrilled beyond words. I’ve always had a sort of wandering spirit. There was the ill-fated and very brief move to Boston when I was 18, followed by a train journey to New Mexico where I enrolled in UNM and lived for 7 years before I packed up my Mazda and moved to LA with no job, no money, and one crazy roommate. Even after moving here again, I dreamt about where we’d go next and if you asked me where I’d like to go, I would have told you the Pacific Northwest. And there lies the kicker: I’ve always wanted to live in the Bay Area.

To say I love San Francisco is a gross understatement. This is what makes me so mad right now! I have been obsessed with that city since I first visited at the age of 22. I quickly followed that up with a spring break vacation the following year. I have walked all over that city, literally. The cabs were eating into our food budget, so we walked (not at night, of course). I vowed that I’d move there someday. Then I found out the cost of living. That put a damper on my plans but not my love.

As I got older, I thought that if I ever won the lottery, I’d buy a house in Marin County. My 30-year-old soul is more suburban than urban these days and it’s just right across the bay from the big city. So when Chris told me this job would actually be in Marin and that’s where we’d live…well, shit. Awesome? I’m starting to believe the old adage, be careful what you wish for. Because the truth is, I want to live there. I do. Just not now. I’m not ready to leave. A lot of change and sacrifices will have to be made and I don’t wanna.

So we will see. A local company says they have an offer for him soon, and Chris promises he will weigh both opportunities equally even though this job in California is as close to a dream job for him as I can think of right now. Except maybe working for the NFL in some capacity. He sacrificed for me when he moved to New Mexico and I’d do the same for him. It will just be hard and I’m scared. That’s all.

If you made it to the end of this, congratulations. You’re a saint and or/crazy and I love you.

Hopefully I’ll have updates soon. Me with all my horrible problems like possibly moving to this beautiful area.

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Poor me. (Image courtesy of Wikipedia)

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Saturday night is alright for blogging.

Ugh, I’ve had my Dexter fill. I’m actually super excited for the series to be over. We’ve committed to it now, no turning back, but c’mon! End already!

That’s why I’m blogging on a Saturday night. After this, it’s the first half of SNL and lights out. That’s if I make it that far. I postponed a much needed girls night with my bestest and her homemade cookies because I am so exhausted. Stress will do that to you.

I just realized that I haven’t given a Henry update in a while and now is the time when he’s actually starting to do things. Here’s the low down for this 13 1/2 month old:

  • He can point to nose, toes, tongue (his favorite), hair (or ear, they sound similar), and belly button. The kid is a sponge. We have a body parts board book that he brings to me every day, so we’ve been practicing and he picks it up so fast.
  • Climbing. I think he’s a little behind in this area because I have friends whose kids were terrorizing them with their climbing skills much earlier. I actually felt blessed that Henry showed no interest in climbing. NOW IT IS THE MOST FUN THING TO DO EVER. Especially after he gets up onto something and then does a fake cry to help him down so he can do it again. I try not to let him see me laugh so he will know that no, mommy does not want him on the coffee table, but it’s pretty hard not to.
  • He has a new word: “bear.” He’ll say “bear, bear” when bringing me his other favorite book (ok, alright, he brings me ALL of his books all day long. I think that’s pretty typical toddler behavior, but I like it.)

henryreadingAn old classic.

  • Elmo has taken a back seat to Daniel Tiger. I wish I liked anything half as much as this kid likes Daniel Tiger. I know kids aren’t supposed to watch TV before 2 or something, but it’s on PBS, so it’s ok, right? Actually, it’s really educational so I let him watch a couple episodes a day on Netflix. “If you have to go potty, STOP! And go right away,” is a little ditty that should not be stuck in my head 24/7 but is. Anyway, it brings the kid joy and brings me some down time, so I’m all for it.
  • The fine motor skills are getting better. We let him draw with a pen or crayon and paper (which he loves) and I give him a spoon or fork with dinner now. He prefers the latter because it’s much more fun to stab food repeatedly until it’s sufficiently stabbed and ready to eat. Also, I taught him all about the joy of stickers today. All kids needs stickers in their lives.

henry stickers

 

  • He’s still super snuggly and super clingy to mommy. It’s like WWIII every time I need to use the bathroom for 30 seconds. That’s ok though. My biceps can use the workout from carrying those 22 lbs of love.
  • He laughs every time he sneezes. Not really a milestone, just insanely cute.

There’s a lot more, but it’s probably more boring than what I’ve already listed, if you can imagine that. He’s my kid, so of course everything he does amazes me. When we have baby number 2, I might not be as amazed. Or maybe I will, I don’t know.

News on our situation: we will probably most definitely be moving out of here at the end of February. Unless Chris gets a job in the next week or two, we are moving in with my mom temporarily. They are graciously giving us the master suite so we will have lots of privacy and room. Chris has some pretty good opportunities he’s looking into (some out of state – eek!) and I know one of those will work out. If we can get through this period without draining (or even touching) our savings, then it’s worth it. And that’s what we’re on track to do. Honestly, we are pretty lucky to even have the option. Plus, my parents have cable, so there’s that.

Alright, I apologize for the late-night blathering. Please come back later for more though, ok? Ok. Goodnight!

 

 

 

Just a little bump in the road.

Today we took Henry to get his Christmas portraits taken. Oh my, he was so sweet. He loved all of the attention. I got a lot of compliments for him (and, oddly, our stroller, which I love if you’re in the market for one) from the waiting parents in the studio. But honestly, I was fawning over a few of babies in there too. Specifically, baby girls. I’ll admit that I’ve been thinking a lot about baby numero dos lately. Maybe it’s because Henry is a week away from being one year old and getting so big and I miss having that little squishy baby. Or maybe it’s because Henry sooo needs a sibling. The kid plays catch with himself. He’ll throw a ball, go fetch it, and repeat. It’s simultaneously cute and sad.

But of course, inevitably, any plans for another baby came to a screeching halt last month when my husband was laid off. To go from 2 incomes, down to 1 income is a big sacrifice, but we made it work. We even built up a pretty nice savings. Thank GOD we did, too. But to go from 1 income to 0 income, AND a child to support. Well, yeah. Crappy. And scary.

To be honest, though it’s been a very stressful month, Chris and I have been shown just how truly blessed we are. It sounds so corny, and it is, but this situation has brought us closer with family and friends and each other. My mom is paying for most of Henry’s birthday party because she knows how much it meant to me to do something for him. She also paid for the portraits today because, again, I wanted it (we also had a coupon). My mom and step-dad have bought us groceries and diapers. My in-laws bought the babe presents for his birthday and Christmas and took us to Costco for some bulk dried fruit (and other things, but we have a lot of dried fruit in our house right now. I have an open bag of dried cherries I’m eating at this moment). My BFF checks in every day and always makes me feel better. She also makes me dinner and gives me wine and bakes cookies for my son’s birthday party. And then I have so many other friends who’ve sent us money and gifts for the baby, all unsolicited. Or they just let me talk and vent to them and probably want to tell me to shut up, but they don’t. They just tell me they love me and it will all work out  (I should specifically single out Mandy Jo, since she’s a daily victim of my woe-is-me). It just warms the cockles of my heart, you guys. There are a lot of beautiful people in our lives, even ones we don’t talk to all the time.

Because of all these above blessings, I’ve been trying to stay positive. That doesn’t mean I don’t still break down into tears occasionally. I do. Maybe every day, but I’m not telling. In the end, I know it will work out. I might have to dust off my old resume and get back out there, and if that’s what I have to do, then so be it. For now, I’m focusing on our beautiful, funny, healthy baby boy and all the people in my life who love us and we love back. We might not have much money, but we’re not poor. Not in any sense of the word.

I know you want to see some portrait shots (only the last one made the cut in terms of actual prints, but the other 2 are ones I still love):

henryport12drool face!

henryport3Baby Gap called and they want their model back.

henryport1“Oh, hey, I didn’t see you there.”

Unfathomable.

This week, I was lucky enough to see Henry two more times. Once on Tuesday, where they did a growth scan (he’s estimated at over 8 lbs now! But those are notoriously wrong, so the doctor told me I could expect anywhere from a 7.5-8.5 lb baby). Then today, I had another ultrasound so they could perform another biophysical profile. He scored a perfect 8/8 again.

The kid is already funny. He was kicking the tech like crazy, so she put the 3D on his face. He had the cutest little pout and chubbiest little cheeks. We both laughed at his little face. I think he’s his father’s clone, but we’ll see. Those 3D ultrasounds look kinda funky.

As I’m writing this, he’s moving around in there, just days from gracing us with his little presence. I’m feeling really blessed and simultaneous sorrow and grief for the families in Connecticut who received the worst news of their lives today. My heart just breaks for them. It’s completely unimaginable. Unfathomable. But there are people living it. Mamas who just a few years ago felt those same kicks and movements…now suffering greater than most of us ever will. I can’t even put my thoughts into words properly, so I’ll stop now.

God bless those people, their family, and the community.