Getting out there.

Henry slept like crap last night (I honestly think he ate way too many bell peppers and they gave him indigestion. Remind me to write another post about how much my kid loves bell peppers). So after his 2.5 hour long nap today, we decided to get out of the house as a family. The farmers’ market started today and I really wanted to get some local honey and spices. So we get downtown and it’s super packed. Like, not the market, but the streets. Turns out there was a car show to commemorate American Grafitti, which was filmed here, at least partially. It took us for-ev-er to find a parking spot and I almost ALMOST told Chris to just give up and go home. My stomach was kinda hurting anyway. But then someone pulled out of a spot in front of us and in Chris went. I didn’t mention to him that my stomach was hurting.

I’ve been having stomach issues since
Henry was born. I’ve seen a doctor and was told it was hormonal, but Henry is now almost 17 months old (tomorrow), soooooo I dunno. Part of me fears it’s related to the c-section. But what’s crazy is since we moved here, I haven’t had any issues. Not one. I was thinking about that this morning, and then as soon as we are walking through a crowd of 1,000 people, it acts up. So yeah, it was miserable at first but thanks to a kind young man at 7-11 who let me use their employee bathroom (which looked like a prison toilet) all was ok and I was glad I didn’t bail.

There’s a few things I know about this town:

1) There’s a nice Target nearby
2) There’s a nice Safeway nearby
3) Construction on the 101 can be heard very loudly during nap time (we are not that close to the freeway either)
4) From what I’ve seen, it’s beautiful
5) Everyone I’ve met has been super nice.

EVERYONE in this town is so nice! It almost throws me. Like, I can’t be anti-social here. People just come up and talk to me. They genuinely want to know about me, this new person in town they’ve never seen with the cute baby. They all tell me I have a cute baby! Even moms with their own cute babies! It’s weird and great. If for no other reason, I’m glad we got out and talked to people.

So. I think I’m gonna like this place. At least, I’m feeling more confident about it today and hopefully even more tomorrow. I just need to muster the courage to get out there on my own without the comfort of having Chris standing next to me. He’s super outgoing and that makes it easier to strike up conversations.

You can see a pic of Henry on the swing at the Farmers’ Market in Instagram link on the side bar. Follow me on there too, if you want, PS.

Ok, here’s another swing photo:

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A little bit of whine in wine country.

I have written several posts since arriving in California, and I end up typing a looooong diatribe of nonsense and whining and I scrap it.

There is so much good in my life but I’m having a really hard time getting over the homesickness and worry. I think that’s just part of my personality. I will always and forever be worried about money and always and forever miss something and/or someone. Anxious and nostalgic, that sums me up. Sounds like a party to be around, right? I’m sure Chris just loves coming home to this mess every night (he’s very sweet to me).

I miss my mom. I miss my friends. I miss everything. I’m super lonely. But here’s the thing that’s been getting me lately: I’m INCREDIBLY SUPER DUPER LUCKY. I have a healthy, happy, funny, amazing toddler who is my world. I’m blessed enough that I get to stay home with him every day. Sure, money is tight. Like, stretched to the penny, but we make it work. What set off a panic attack tonight was getting health insurance for myself and Henry (Chris’s is 100% paid through his new job — again, grateful). But just looking in our already tight budget and trying to fit that extra necessary expense is stressful.

So anyway, this town is beautiful and I love it. I just need to put on my big girl panties and get out there and discover more of it. I’ll get on that after just a little more wallowing, ok?

In the meantime, here’s a little bit of what everyone comes here for, pics of the kid and other misc. I promise I’ll get back to normal soon.

BiscottiSharing some really great biscotti with chocolate mousse and hazelnut whipped cream with daddy. My inlaws took us to a great little italian place for Mother’s Day.

MD FlowersMother’s Day flowers. Our allergies have been going insane but they’re too pretty to throw away yet.

CarouselCan you see us? Henry looks unimpressed, but lemme tell you, the kid had a blast. There were very vocal protests when it was time to get off. This was at Pier 39 in San Francisco.

mmmm yeahYESSSSS!!!!

mom san franLunch with a view. I miss my mom.

Henry ThroneHenry on his new couch. Yes, his. We’re allowed to sit on it sometimes (like when he’s asleep).

Henry SlidingMy big boy. 

 

It’s officially official.

Oh damn. I forgot to update all you robots (I doubt I have more than 2-3 actual readers). Chris signed the job offer and we are moving to Cal-i-for-ni-a in about a month. I am experiencing mixed emotions right now. On one hand, I cry several times a day even thinking about leaving and on the other, I’m excited for this adventure. I’ve been in a slump for a while, long before even Henry was born, so maybe this is what I need. What we all need. Maybe.

Now on to the logistics planning like picking a place to live, figuring out the best way to get there, etc etc etc. It’s all a little overwhelming, frankly, and I kinda wish my husband would take the reins on that and tell me the plan when he’s done. But, ya know, marriage is about team work and all.

That’s all she wrote (tonight).

Update or anxiety induced word vomit: you decide.

Things still aren’t 100% official around here, but Chris got the job offer from the place in California. He’s giving the local place a chance to officially offer him that job before deciding, but if this was a horse race I would put all my money on Heading West Again Whether You Like It Or Not sired by Suck It Up, Bawl Bag. Horses always have weird names like that.

I’ll update more soon. In the meantime, here is a picture of my large toddler just relaxing after a hard day of toddling.

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Decisions, decisions.

This time, the lack of updates is because I’ve actually been super busy and not because of Dexter (man, that last season was a suck fest).

We moved in with my mom last week. It was a bumpy transition, I’m not gonna lie. I miss my old place something fierce, even though I was dying for something bigger and without upstairs neighbors. It was OUR apartment. We got married right after we moved in. Henry was born there. I was lucky enough to spend the first 14 months of his life with him there and witness all those major milestones. The apartment was cozy and comfortable and I can’t even look at pictures without crying. We are so lucky to have family to help, but I miss having my own space. I miss what used to be. I want to rewind to like 6 months ago and just push pause. Forever.

Because things are going to change even more for us soon, I think, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that quite yet. Today, Chris flew to San Francisco for a job interview. Ok, actually, he’s been talking to them for a while and this company found him, he didn’t apply there, so this is kind of a formality before they offer him a job I’m sure. For the first time ever, I see him excited about a possible job. But I’m…less than thrilled.

You see, we lived in Los Angeles for 4 years together (he was there for closer to 10 years) and when he got out of school, I told him I’d like to move closer to my mom. He was not sold on Albuquerque, understandably, because the design industry here is not exactly robust. After 6 months of temporary jobs around LA, he finally agreed. He found design work immediately and even had a job at an agency within a few months. But he always told me his growth potential here was limited and eventually we’d have to move. I knew he was right and I agreed. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.

I won’t even get into the depressing diatribe about missing my mom and friends if we move because then I’ll start crying and I just got over a cold and snot is no longer welcome in my vicinity. I will say that Katy 10 years ago would have been thrilled beyond words. I’ve always had a sort of wandering spirit. There was the ill-fated and very brief move to Boston when I was 18, followed by a train journey to New Mexico where I enrolled in UNM and lived for 7 years before I packed up my Mazda and moved to LA with no job, no money, and one crazy roommate. Even after moving here again, I dreamt about where we’d go next and if you asked me where I’d like to go, I would have told you the Pacific Northwest. And there lies the kicker: I’ve always wanted to live in the Bay Area.

To say I love San Francisco is a gross understatement. This is what makes me so mad right now! I have been obsessed with that city since I first visited at the age of 22. I quickly followed that up with a spring break vacation the following year. I have walked all over that city, literally. The cabs were eating into our food budget, so we walked (not at night, of course). I vowed that I’d move there someday. Then I found out the cost of living. That put a damper on my plans but not my love.

As I got older, I thought that if I ever won the lottery, I’d buy a house in Marin County. My 30-year-old soul is more suburban than urban these days and it’s just right across the bay from the big city. So when Chris told me this job would actually be in Marin and that’s where we’d live…well, shit. Awesome? I’m starting to believe the old adage, be careful what you wish for. Because the truth is, I want to live there. I do. Just not now. I’m not ready to leave. A lot of change and sacrifices will have to be made and I don’t wanna.

So we will see. A local company says they have an offer for him soon, and Chris promises he will weigh both opportunities equally even though this job in California is as close to a dream job for him as I can think of right now. Except maybe working for the NFL in some capacity. He sacrificed for me when he moved to New Mexico and I’d do the same for him. It will just be hard and I’m scared. That’s all.

If you made it to the end of this, congratulations. You’re a saint and or/crazy and I love you.

Hopefully I’ll have updates soon. Me with all my horrible problems like possibly moving to this beautiful area.

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Poor me. (Image courtesy of Wikipedia)