Catching Up.

I know I haven’t blogged in a while. How professional mommy bloggers do it, I dunno. I usually spend any “free” time I have cleaning or cooking or trying to make myself presentable. Here’s an extremely abridged version of what I’ve been up to:

  • Still working a few hours a week and love it. The extra money goes toward paying my student loans, which takes that burden off of Chris and frees up that money for things like food.
  • We went to Florida to see my dad (I’ll write a separate post on the trip soon) and had a blast. I have become a semi-freaked out flyer as of late, I think from post-partum hormones. It’s such a ridiculous fear, I know, but now I feel better about it and I’m ready for our next trip whenever that is.
  • Henry turned 10 MONTHS OLD last week. He’s crawling, cruising, babbling up a storm, HILARIOUS, and almost walking. I just can’t get enough of him.  He’s got a hot temper, but he’s also very sweet and cuddly. My favorite? His baby kisses. Full heart in the house. I will write more on what he’s doing in a separate post too. Too much for bullet point format.
  • I’ve started working out at the gym again. I’ve lost around 6 pounds, which is great, but I need to get more serious. I don’t know how, but I’ll figure it out.
  • My dad had heart surgery, which had some complications, but he’s doing better now, thank the Lord (and not Voldemort). After a few days in the hospital, he’s recovering and the cardiologist is optimistic about his prognosis. Keep him in your thoughts though, would ya? I’ve been somewhat of a wreck over it. Also, somewhat = most extremely. My husband had to take a day off work because he didn’t want me being alone with the baby in the state I was in.
  • We’re getting ready for Halloween and Henry will be a baby Jedi, OF COURSE. You’ll see pics. Lots of pics.

Alright, I must go join the baby in dreamland. It’s 9:30 after all.

Here’s a picture of my big boy and a little Yoda. (sniffle). It’s not the best pic. He doesn’t want to sit anymore and he also knows how to get off the sofa by himself soooo…try to control that. You can’t.

henry10mo

 

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Let’s talk about guilt, baby

If you’re a mom, then you are probably all too aware of what I am going to discuss: mommy guilt. For me, I feel guilty over almost everything I do/don’t do. In the beginning, I had milk supply issues that threw me into a tailspin of depression. That was probably the pinnacle of my mommy guilt thus far, but I still have my moments. Guilt for working a few hours a week; guilt for not working more; guilt for letting the baby sleep with me half of the night; guilt when I make him stay in his crib…the list goes on and on and, if I am anything like my own mother, will continue until my children are in their 30’s and 40’s. And forever.

Then comes those moments we’re not so proud of. When our patience is worn down to a nub from lack of sleep and lack of “me” time (aka getting to shower and use the bathroom) and we have a minor meltdown. I haven’t had too many of those, but when I do, oh boy the guilt floods open and swallow me whole. I’m not sure why, since I’m the one crying hysterically in the middle of the day, but I feel bad for feeling bad. After all, I’m lucky. Incredibly, insanely lucky. I have a healthy, happy, gorgeous child. He is everything I wanted. So I shouldn’t be feeling anything other than pure happiness tied up with some rainbow glitter ribbon, right? Right. I’m appreciative of my life, but I am starting to allow myself to feel what I’m feeling if you feel me. (Sorry). After all, I spend most of my days alone (and recently, a few late nights alone while Chris works on a big project), I’m still battling post-partum hormones and self-esteem issues, and I have the weight of motherhood on my shoulders. It’s to be expected that I’d shed a tear or two eventually. Talking about it helps. My friends, my husband, and my mother — they remind me that it’s ok and perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. Being a mom is hard work and it’s 24/7. I can’t be perfect all of the time. My new goal is to not beat myself up so much. That’s really all I can do. Besides meds. Meds might help.

I apologize for the rambling post. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

sookieguilt

 

House update: No house. We are re-signing a 6 month lease in our little apartment and giving ourselves some breathing room. I may feel cramped, but it’s better than the stress I was feeling before. We are going to do some re-arranging and de-cluttering and hopefully that helps. Time is flying like crazy so 6 months doesn’t seem so far away to me. Pre-Henry, 6 months was an eternity. Now it’s like, OMG WE ONLY HAVE 6 MONTHS!!! Continued good luck our way is appreciated.

Showers and new beginnings.

In just a couple short months, my life is going to change drastically. Not only because we’ll have a new baby running the household, but because I will also be leaving my job. Forever. I will be what the Internet calls a SAHM. Stay at home mom.

I’ve been working since I was 16. At a few points in my life, I’ve had two or three jobs at once. It’s pretty scary to not work and to give up an income. But, thankfully, my husband just got a new job that comes with a sizable raise and great benefits. Funds will be tight, but we’ll be able to make it.

The truth is, we just aren’t willing to put a newborn in daycare. Period. Most of my paycheck would have gone to them anyway. Honestly, I can get another job (and do plan on finding freelance work once the baby is a few months old), but I can never get those special moments back.

Just a quick side note: my husband is awesome. Chris knew from the beginning that I wanted to be a SAHM, but just didn’t know if it would ever be possible. He worked his ass off to get a better job and to land a few lucrative freelance gigs that would allow us to be able to afford this. He literally made my dreams come true in this instance, and he did it gladly because he knows it’s the best for his family. It makes me cry to think about how much he loves me and this baby.

Now, just to clarify, I do not think that women who go back to work (by choice or not) are making the wrong decision. I’m a feminist in the truest form – it’s all about choice. I trust that whatever a decision a woman makes is what she feels is best for her family, and I respect that. Same goes with parents who choose to put babies in daycare. I assume they choose safe places for their babies, so that’s great. It’s just something we are choosing not to do. I know how women get sensitive about these issues, so I just had to clear that up. Don’t be sending me nasty emails, ok?

In other news, we had our baby shower and it was a BLAST. My face hurt from laughing so hard. We got all the stuff we needed except for a few odds and ends. But more importantly, I felt overwhelmed by my friends and family who showed up or sent well wishes. I’m a lucky, lucky gal. My mom, mother in law, and friend Natalie did the best job with food and decorations.

My mom framed our baby pics so people could imagine what Henry might look like? I am not sure why. But look how cute Chris is! His parents gave us that little white rocking chair for the baby. I plan on re-creating that photo.

Cute gift table (before guests had arrived). 

Check out this spread!

Delicious cake that turned our lips blue.

On top of baby gear, Chris’s parents also gave us a Scion TC. Ok, they didn’t give it…they just sold it for next to nothing. I mean, like pennies. It’s a couple years old, but like brand new. Have I mentioned how lucky we are? We really are.

The day after the shower, we got up before the sun to take our out of town guests to the Balloon Fiesta. First of all, when you are 7 months pregnant, getting up that early and waddling through giant crowds of people is tough. I took a bunch of photos of balloons, but my favorite picture is this one that Chris got of us as we watch the Dawn Patrol light up.

It was really cold outside and I was so happy and warm at this moment. It’s good to be in love.