And I’m feeling good.

I’m feeling great lately. Like, really and truly great. I’m not as tired (the lack of tears helps), I’m getting out of the house more, I’m not in any pain, and I have the sweetest baby, most awesome husband, and terrific family. I’m being for real. I’m so happy.

After a few rough, emotional days, I perked up and got my act together. I have this beautiful baby that I get to raise, and that’s my focus. Everything else is secondary. Coming to that realization has been freeing. I am now just enjoying every second I have with him instead of obsessing over what I can’t control.

I’ve said it before, but I am so lucky to have my mom nearby. She only works two days a week, so the rest of the time she is eager to come over and see her grand baby. Chris and I were able to go to the mall Sunday AM alone. We sampled fro yo, shopped for Henry (of course), and bought a smoothie. It was so nice to just be with him like we were BH (before Henry). But we couldn’t wait to get home to our baby. Especially because grandma got the diaper explosion on her watch. Grandma also pops around sporadically to give me a break and watch Downton Abbey. During her visit yesterday, I was able to take a long bath. When I got out, she’d fed the baby and started making me a meatloaf. I’m getting (even more) spoiled.

Another upside to feeling more human: more stuff is getting done around the house. The other night, I was able to tackle the giant pile of clean laundry that we never put away (basically everything we own was in this pile) and fold and put up. I felt so accomplished. Honestly, I think I slept better the last few nights because of it. That pile haunted me.

On Monday I had a couple hilarious friends stop by with food. I didn’t want them to leave. Adult conversation during business hours is rare for me lately. If I’m not singing a song or talking baby speak to Henry, then I’m not talking. After, I got to go to my OB for my annual exam. Yay! Ok, not yay. I must have been craving more adult convo time, because most of the appointment was spent yapping to both the doctor and the nurse about anything and everything. The doc shares my same affinity for cheese, so that’s good. Then she stuck a speculum up there and I didn’t like her as much anymore.

Oblig baby photo:

babybrowneyes

I’m placing my bets that those peepers are gonna be brown.

One month.

I can’t believe it’s been one month already since little Mouse* was brought into this world. He seems so much older to me now.  He’s sleeping longer at night, he’s smiling when I sing him songs (his new favorite), he’s already lifting his head up, and he LOVES taking a bath.

baby bathHeaven. I could stay in here forever.

We are also getting our daily routine down. Wake up around 6 or 7, he eats, I eat, he naps, I pay bills/clean/fold laundry/organize/sleep/mess around on the internet/watch TV (this repeats several times a day), tummy time, play time, reading time, song time, bath at around 9, in bed by 10. And about a dozen diaper changes sporadically thrown in.

I’m healing really well from the c-section and getting used to the exhaustion, which makes things easier. I am really just enjoying this stage in his life, since he’ll never be this tiny again. This involves letting go of new mom nerves and relaxing. Much easier said than done.

I used to wonder why stay at home moms would count down to Friday along with the rest of us. Isn’t it all the same to them? I TOTALLY GET IT NOW. On the weekends, I have my husband here who can help me. He can change diapers, he can put him down for his nap, he can play with him. Mom finally gets a little time off on the weekends, and maybe a little more sleep. I am TGIF’ing like crazy today.

Other milestones:

  • Henry is now finally above his birth weight by several ounces. In other news, our pediatrician is a saint for putting up with me.
  • Breastfeeding is slowly getting better, which is great. I’m still supplementing, but whatever. It is what it is, and Henry is as healthy as a horse. I must be doing something right.
  • He’s putting himself to sleep now at night. I just lay him down in his bassinet right when he’s at the brink of sleep. He lays there and moves around for a while, then falls asleep. It’s a beautiful thing.

I’ve seen people track their baby’s monthly growth by placing them next to a stuffed animal. I thought it only appropriate to do the same with Yoda:

baby yodaGrowing, he is.” – Chris, when I texted him the picture. Don’t worry, Henry. You’ll be bigger than the Jedi Master before too long.

I know you are all wondering who the professional illustrator is who drew the sign. That would be me, one handed with a sleeping baby on the other arm. Not too shabby, considering.

*Henry makes the cutest little squeaking sounds when he’s sleeping or falling asleep. I started calling him Mouse and it’s sticking. My husband calls me Monkey, and now we have a Mouse. Monkey & Mouse. I should turn that into a children’s book.

Catching up.

I’ve been wanting to write a blog for a few days now, but couldn’t remember my password. The “forget password” feature is great…if you remember which email you used to sign up. Which I don’t. Anyway, I finally got in.  Also, Henry is very attached to his mama, so as soon as I decide to do anything non-baby related, he reminds me of his precious existence and demands I pay attention to him. He’s sleeping in his swing now. Let’s see how far I can get.

So much going on, not enough time to blog about it.

  1. Henry is 1 month old this week. I feel like I’m finally getting this motherhood thing down and becoming more comfortable doing things like clipping his nails (I go old school and chew them off myself. Like a monkey in the wild), giving him a bath, and sucking boogers out of his nose (thank you, saline drops!) 
  2. I still worry about things like feeding him. My breast milk is still not fully in and at this point, it probably won’t ever be.  Not for lack of trying! I feel like a freaking dairy cow. I nurse him CONSTANTLY and then pump. But, I’m going to boob him until I can’t boob no more. And supplement with formula. A growing boy has got to eat, and as long as he’s getting some of the liquid gold at every meal, I’m ok with that. I was NOT ok with that for a long time and spent a fair amount of time crying/feeling extremely guilty, but I’m over that now. The act of nursing in of itself, I love, and so does Henry. He just doesn’t get a full meal unfortunately. I’m also pumping and supplementing that way, so my guilt levels are slowly dwindling. And who knows, it could all turn around and I could nurse exclusively. I ain’t giving up yet. **Oh, and please no breastfeeding advice. I’ve talked to lactation consultants, borderline harassed my pediatrician for reassurance and guidance, and read everything you can read on it. I can’t take anymore advice. I get it.**
  3. THANK YOU LORD FOR MY HUSBAND. I get the weekends to catch up on sleep thanks for my wonderful husband. He’ll stay up late and let me get a head start on bedtime. I will get like 6-7 hours sleep on the weekends, which are like, amazing. He also changes all diapers when he’s home. That’s invaluable. He’s a great emotional support too, and doesn’t make me feel crazy for being crazy.
  4. I am also thankful to the Lord for having such a good baby. He’s so easy going and such a deep sleeper. Actually, his deep sleepiness scares the crap out of me. I’m always checking to see if he’s breathing. I have to tickle him to get him to very slightly move. Then I lay down. And check on him again in 10 minutes. It’s eerie how deep he sleeps! You’d do it too, you know it.
  5. Some sad news: Quincy (my beloved fur baby) was staying at my mom’s house while I healed from the c-section. We brought her home and after a couple days, she was miserable and I was miserable because she was so miserable. Everything around here had changed and I wasn’t exclusively paying attention to her. Her anxiety levels were through the roof. When I was nursing Henry, she would shake so hard that the whole couch would move. When he cried, she would start shaking and crying. No matter how many methods we used to try to soothe her, it didn’t work. On top of that, my mom’s miniature schnauzer, Benny, went into a deep doggy depression after Quincy left. He wouldn’t eat or go outside. So, I had to make a heart breaking decision, for Quincy’s sake and ours, and let her go back to my mom’s. I just couldn’t stand her being so miserable and anxious. It was really hard to watch. Over at my mom’s, she thrives. She has a yard to play in, my step dad lets her sleep next to him in bed, and she has her friend Benny. She also gets a treat for everything. It’s doggy paradise over there. Hopefully this is not permanent, because we miss her terribly, but I couldn’t stand seeing her so anxious and miserable. Change is not easy. Not for us and not for Quincy. Oh great, now I’m crying again.
  6. I cry a lot.
  7. I have great friends who make/bring me food all the time. Thank you, friends. I probably wouldn’t eat some days if it weren’t for you.

So that pretty much catches us up. We cancelled cable, and put Apple TV’s and HD digital receivers in both rooms. So we get the networks and all kinds of shows. I’ve been watching Revenge on Netflix. It’s kind of a stupid show, which means I can’t stop watching it.

Baby is stirring now. I made it through a whole blog post!

Obligatory baby photos:

henry couchJust hanging with the ‘rents in my jammies.

henry momWith grandma Suzanne. She is nutso about this baby. He’s…sleepy.

henry angelBasically? He’s an angel. Basically.