Decisions, decisions.

This time, the lack of updates is because I’ve actually been super busy and not because of Dexter (man, that last season was a suck fest).

We moved in with my mom last week. It was a bumpy transition, I’m not gonna lie. I miss my old place something fierce, even though I was dying for something bigger and without upstairs neighbors. It was OUR apartment. We got married right after we moved in. Henry was born there. I was lucky enough to spend the first 14 months of his life with him there and witness all those major milestones. The apartment was cozy and comfortable and I can’t even look at pictures without crying. We are so lucky to have family to help, but I miss having my own space. I miss what used to be. I want to rewind to like 6 months ago and just push pause. Forever.

Because things are going to change even more for us soon, I think, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that quite yet. Today, Chris flew to San Francisco for a job interview. Ok, actually, he’s been talking to them for a while and this company found him, he didn’t apply there, so this is kind of a formality before they offer him a job I’m sure. For the first time ever, I see him excited about a possible job. But I’m…less than thrilled.

You see, we lived in Los Angeles for 4 years together (he was there for closer to 10 years) and when he got out of school, I told him I’d like to move closer to my mom. He was not sold on Albuquerque, understandably, because the design industry here is not exactly robust. After 6 months of temporary jobs around LA, he finally agreed. He found design work immediately and even had a job at an agency within a few months. But he always told me his growth potential here was limited and eventually we’d have to move. I knew he was right and I agreed. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.

I won’t even get into the depressing diatribe about missing my mom and friends if we move because then I’ll start crying and I just got over a cold and snot is no longer welcome in my vicinity. I will say that Katy 10 years ago would have been thrilled beyond words. I’ve always had a sort of wandering spirit. There was the ill-fated and very brief move to Boston when I was 18, followed by a train journey to New Mexico where I enrolled in UNM and lived for 7 years before I packed up my Mazda and moved to LA with no job, no money, and one crazy roommate. Even after moving here again, I dreamt about where we’d go next and if you asked me where I’d like to go, I would have told you the Pacific Northwest. And there lies the kicker: I’ve always wanted to live in the Bay Area.

To say I love San Francisco is a gross understatement. This is what makes me so mad right now! I have been obsessed with that city since I first visited at the age of 22. I quickly followed that up with a spring break vacation the following year. I have walked all over that city, literally. The cabs were eating into our food budget, so we walked (not at night, of course). I vowed that I’d move there someday. Then I found out the cost of living. That put a damper on my plans but not my love.

As I got older, I thought that if I ever won the lottery, I’d buy a house in Marin County. My 30-year-old soul is more suburban than urban these days and it’s just right across the bay from the big city. So when Chris told me this job would actually be in Marin and that’s where we’d live…well, shit. Awesome? I’m starting to believe the old adage, be careful what you wish for. Because the truth is, I want to live there. I do. Just not now. I’m not ready to leave. A lot of change and sacrifices will have to be made and I don’t wanna.

So we will see. A local company says they have an offer for him soon, and Chris promises he will weigh both opportunities equally even though this job in California is as close to a dream job for him as I can think of right now. Except maybe working for the NFL in some capacity. He sacrificed for me when he moved to New Mexico and I’d do the same for him. It will just be hard and I’m scared. That’s all.

If you made it to the end of this, congratulations. You’re a saint and or/crazy and I love you.

Hopefully I’ll have updates soon. Me with all my horrible problems like possibly moving to this beautiful area.

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Poor me. (Image courtesy of Wikipedia)

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4 thoughts on “Decisions, decisions.

  1. Well, I made it to the end… So I think I’ll label myself as crazy rather than saint, cause hello, you know me lol! Things work and happen in mysterious ways sometimes. I have no doubt that things will be as they should be- no matter where you guys end up. As I’ve been telling you from the beginning- something better than what you had is coming.
    If you guys go, I will miss you like crazy- but friends are friends no matter the distance. I love you!

    • I didn’t want to cry tonight, Natalie! Haha. Yes you will be one of my most missed but thankfully airplanes exist and I have family here so you know I’ll be back to visit. But I don’t want to get too ahead of myself just yet…

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