Just venting. Moving on.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m confused. Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of Facebook snark about people talking/posting pictures about/of their kids. I’m sure it was there before I had a kid of my own, but I must not have paid attention. Personally, I LOVE when people write about their babies and I LOVE LOVE LOVE when I get to see cute babies in my feed, rather than lame internet memes involving grumpy cats or uninformed political s***.  But when my friends post about their hobbies, their careers, their businesses, their families, whatever makes them happy – that’s what I like to see on Facebook. Take a picture of your damn salad. If you enjoyed it, then hell, good for you.

Now I know this snark isn’t aimed at me (and I’m sure most of it is just lighthearted ribbing), but I have to admit I take it a little personally. So, my life was ok to write about when I was bitching about Monday mornings or hailing the arrival of Fridays, but it’s lame to take a picture of my baby and post it? Because I’m pretty sure both things are a part of my life and that’s what we do on social media sites, right? We write about whatever we want, whatever is going on. Right now, for me, the most important and wonderful thing happening to me is Henry. Period. I’ve never been happier, more in love, more fulfilled, more inspired. Is that a bad thing? Should I run out and find another job to fulfill me and then it will be ok? Will I be cool again? Is that more respectable?

In my early 20’s, I had a friend ask me if I ever wanted to be a stay at home mom. I told her I wasn’t sure because I’m a feminist and women should have careers like men. I didn’t want to be barefoot and pregnant, spending my days changing diapers and sweeping floors. Then she told me something I have never forgotten: If a woman chooses to stay at home with her kids, if that’s her choice, is that not feminism? That we are lucky enough to be able to choose?

That empowered me when we made the difficult decision that I would take care of our kids. No one takes better care of her babies than their mothers and that’s what I intend to do. I’ve had a pretty good career so far, making decent salaries with good benefits, which is what made this a huge decision for our family. But, as of today, as of right this moment, I never felt an ounce of the happiness I feel seeing my baby grow, change, discover new things, and smile. And that’s my job now. The job I chose. It doesn’t come with a paycheck or a set of business cards, and apparently I’ve lost the respect of some people, but that’s ok. None of that matters. Henry matters.

And if any people on Facebook or Instagram hate looking at my baby, there is a handy unsubscribe feature and an even handier unfriend feature you can use. It won’t hurt my feelings. I use them both often.

You know what else is cool? I’ve always loved writing and wouldn’t you know it. Here I am. Writing.

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13 thoughts on “Just venting. Moving on.

    • Thank you! I’ve been writing this for a couple days (in between Henry’s demands) and I just had to get it off my chest. Women are so cruel and judgmental to other women for their choices. Pisses me off.

      • Seriously… I had a few days where I stopped using fb because I was self-conscious that I do nothing but post pictures of H, and I’m well aware of the attitude towards people who only post about their babies. Then I realized that this is my life right now. He is the centre of my universe, and so what? Just like other people get up and go to work, I get up and take care of my baby… after being up all night taking care of my baby. It’s friggen HARD people… so if I want to celebrate the fact that I love his smooshable face despite the fact that I’m totally exhausted, then that’s what I’ll do. If it alienates some people, so be it.

  1. Bloody brilliant for someone wanting to see positive things on facebook! I’d be your facebook friend and like every single pic of Henry because I actually love looking at your pics of Henry!

  2. I’ll admit I’ve complained about the AMOUNT of baby pictures in my facebook feed before. From one of the whiners you were referring to, it wasn’t that I don’t want you, or any other mother, posting pics of your adorbs little babies, it was that I wanted my own and wasn’t even at a point in my life when we could start trying yet so it was like dangling chocolate cake with sprinkles in front of somebody on a diet. (That’s not a fully adequat analogy, but you get the idea.)

    Also, I’ve since learned that facebook uses some odd algorithm to show you more of what you already like/comment on in your feed. So, if one of your friends posts a stupid cat meme and you like it, facebook will start showing you every danged cat meme that any friend, acquaintance or third cousin posts. Same thing with baby pictures…and wedding stuff (which I’ve also heard some women complain about). And who isn’t going to like a pic of a baby?! Then there suddenly seems to be nothing else in your feed….

    So yes….it was jealously combined with the fact that it is EVERYWHERE. It made my heart hurt. I stopped going on facebook for a few weeks because of it. It was making me stupidly depressed. That’s probably what it is for most women.

    I’ve since stopped liking baby pics. It’s nothing personal, but I get a good dose of them in my feed anyways (it’s just what happens to women my age I guess?) and I do enjoy the political memes and stuff in the meantime.

    (On a side note, if you don’t have a baby, aren’t pregnant, haven’t ever had a baby, or aren’t a new aunt, your world also does soooooo not revolve around babies, so having them clog up your feed gets frustrating even if your aren’t jealous. People without baby brains spend time arguing about other silly stuff.)

    • Well I was one of those struggling to get pregnant and dealing with a loss while seeing baby pics. But honestly if it got to me, I could hide their feed. I never did because I love baby pictures of all kinds. For people in the other category, if it frustrates them for some reason, again, hide my feed. If you are my friend, you should be happy for me. Henry was the product of over a year of frustration and tears. Then he became the single best thing that happened to me. And I don’t post several pics a day, only one here and there, but he’s cute, so people should actually thank me for sharing him with the world. 🙂 You will see what I mean who you do have your baby. You’ll know what it’s like to want something so bad and to finally have it here. You won’t give two craps if a Facebook friend doesn’t approve of your baby posts.

      • I sympathize. I am not saying you were doing anything wrong. I was just explaining the other side. Plus, there’s a big difference between what you said you do and the ten+ pics a day ONE friend will post of her boys. and status updates…and I have a few friends doing it. That’s what gets to people. Not saying Henry isn’t awesome and a wonderful thing to celebrate.

      • Well I’ve been on that side. Not too long ago. And I guess it just never bothered me. I want to know what’s happening in your life. If that means your kids are what is happening, then so be it. So much crap is posted on Facebook, but for some reason the people who post about their kids or animals get shit for posting “too much.” It’s just something I’ve observed. Everyone wants to be Facebook police (and they are usually the ones who post pictures of every meal they eat). Which again, is fine. I like food.

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